Flutter by, my butterfly, wonderful as you are
I sit here smiling at the sight; I know you won’t go far.
Flash your beauty; spread your charm; show your heavenly face;
Deep down you see upon whose arm you land to get your grace.
A simple stone, a rock, no more, but surely nothing less;
You’re home, you’re safe and very warm on the rock that you love best.
Now, when storms gather and they blow you gladly cling to me;
But when the sun returns you go and my love sets you free.
Here I sit and count the days since you left me alone.
It’s lonesome, yet I don’t regret my choice to be your home.
So flutter by my butterfly; I know your passion burns!
You know your place will still be safe when you choose to return.
In every relationship, I believe, at any point in time, there is a rock and a butterfly. In many relationships, these roles trade off, back and forth over time: these are the healthier ones. When you have two who are always butterflies, there is very little security in the relationships and things fall apart. When you have two who are rocks, there is very little passion and things wither and die. In truth, it is best to be both, but neither too much one or the other for an extended period of time. Balance must be sought.
Without balance and equality, the rock, if never allowed his/her turn to fly, will build resentment. It is our natural desire. We all want our time in the sun. Eventually, the rock will decide that is essentially having the relationship all by itself and either end things on ths spot or stop caring so much about the relationship, put its own needs forst, become a butterfly itself and let the thing fall apart.
I do believe that it’s possible to have a beautiful, fair and equitable relationship. I only believe that it’s possible when both people put the relationship ahead of themselves, however, and make communication their first priority. When there is no selfishness, there is little hurt and whenever there is hurt, there is much faith, trust and communication to eradicate it.
Of course, in order to have such a relationship, ground rules must be laid, accepted and honored. Many don’t establish these rules early on and end up paying the price later. What one expects to put it and get out of a relationship should be clear, as simple as possible and within reason. It is to each of us our own responsibility to “set the bar” as to how we will be treated and to communicate that clearly and consistently.
When we are aligned philosophically with our prospective partners, our chances of success are tremendously advantaged. All of this is far more important to our happiness than our simple attraction to one another, although that’s important, too. Far too often, though, we dive into these open-ended love contracts, based solely upon attraction, with people who not only don’t speak the same language, but have a completely different view of what the relationship ought to be and what we ought to give to and expect from one another.
Getting to know one another early on, openly and honestly, will avoid many, many instances of pain and heartache. People are all too desperate for approval and affirmation and often tend to pander to one another in the beginning, putting their best foot forward, then wake up from their fairytale later and realize that their partner not only won’t give them what they need, but CAN’T. They simply never had it to give in the first place. These people are not only not on the same page… they’re not even in the same damn book. They’ve each been having an entirely different relationship from the other all along. They lied to themselves and one other and their relationship is doomed because of it.
This, then, is why they say that love is blind. I say bullshit. Love isn’t blind, lust is. The best love is anything but blind; It is a choice. An educated decision… and a commitment that is made and renewed daily.